thoughts, and good thoughts

I don't know Rachel all that well but boy, she's been on my heart the last few days. I can emphasize with her struggles some but not totally. I had one class with Jeremy - the last class I had at Harding. Some kind of literature class that Larry Long taught the summer of 97. It was a great class, and I only remember Jeremy because he was so nice (I don't remember another single person in the class). Oh yikes - that was 10 YEARS AGO!?!?!! ughhhhhhhhhhh

I've really been struggling with anger issues and I wish I knew why. I wonder if my physical problems (yes, still have a bladder infection and it's worse) have had a part in my emotional struggles. I've just been so down, ready to cry, just wanting to sleep and not do anything. It hurts that he moved on (or was he ever really that into me anyway?!). I keep thinking - why? Why did I find someone I really enjoyed, and he's just not that into me or just not ready for anything besides carefree single living? Why didn't he reply after my last email? I just hate feeling like I'm being ignored (which is how I feel when people don't respond). Am I just going to be single the rest of my life? I feel like I'm losing time here - that old biological clock ticks on and on. And I just date on and on occasionally. It seems like I've been close, but no cigar. I know, it's a learning experience and I've learned a lot. I keep telling myself that, and I believe it. But the reality is sometimes harder to live with. I get tired of thinking about it. But I can't seem to make my mind stop. My job is fun, but some days it's a struggle to actually go to work and stay there.

Oh well, enough complaining for now. I'm starting to buy myself. But I think I know now why he "hates dating." For those of you out there that are married, count your blessings while you pick up his dirty underwear!!! :-) Yeah, that's for you Lizzie. :-) For others, I'd say something like: count your blessings when he doesn't "see" those dirty dishes, when the kids walk in on you, when he says something that just sets you off, when he sings off key, when he puts his dirty clothes on the floor RIGHT NEXT to the hamper, when he leaves the toilet seat up, when he asks something like "why don't you pick up around the house more?" Brag about your spouse instead of complaining about him (at least some of the time!). Tell your friends what they mean to you. Reach out to someone. Let someone know you're thinking of them - even with just a card, a phone call, an email. I'm speaking to myself too so here goes with one anyway!!

Laura - I'm so glad you're my sister. From the days of being my "nurse" to playing with makeup (yes, I still remember how awful you made me look), from playing on the playground to playing the piano. Those days of playing school and chalkboard art, Sunday afternoons (cleaning the kitchen, playing "museum"). I always really enjoyed listening to you play the piano - Moonlight Sonata was my favorite. I always looked up to you, even when I outgrew you (he he). You may have been mean or mischieveous sometimes, but I guess I didn't care that much. When you went to college, I missed you oh so much (missed you driving me around too!). I was happy when you met John, and glad/relieved when you finally got engaged. I was thrilled to be your maid of honor, even if I didn't really like the dress all that much. You've always been my sister and best friend all rolled into one. You remind me so much of Mom most of the time, but I can still see Dad, and even Grandma Moss in you. You're a good mother to those cute little munchkins. You're a better cook than me. And you're so cute - social, talkative, warm, friendly, sweet. Even when you make me mad (like when you interrupt me), I'm still thankful to have you to talk to and hang out with. I miss you A LOT but I'm thankful we had about 4 years of living in the same town (as adults) - that was just way too much fun!!!